It's All About The Love (But Mostly The Sex)
Valentine's Day is upon us. Where else in the world can we celebrate a day named after a martyr who was killed for defying a Roman Emperor by giving people inspid greetings cards that only show how much we panicked at the last minute, wilting flowers that will more than anything remind them of the fleeting transience of life, and candy that they will probably blame for making them look and/or feel fat from eating a week later?
Mel would like to add that that was a very long sentence.
I can only cackle with glee at knowing how, despite its ridiculous length, it conforms to all the rules of English grammar and thusly renders it near bulletproof from any English teacher's criticism. Ha, take that grammar!
And not surprisingly, Valentine's Day was more than likely another attempt to Christianize the Roman Lupercalia festival taking place on that day. Lupercalia was meant to celebrate purification and fertility. So in light of the whole "love" concept behind Valentine's Day, the fertility part seems amusingly/disturbingly appropriate. I wonder if most Christians have realized this.
Probably not. If you happen to meet one tomorrow, feel free to remind them on my behalf. Though you may not want to do the authentic Lupercalia thing, and run through the streets with strips of goat's hide that were dipped in sacrificial blood, and slap all the women and plants you happened to encounter on the way.
The police would probably frown severely on that. And I'm pretty sure that the women you just slapped with blood and goat's hide won't feel comforted by your claims that they will now be more fertile this coming year.
The plants might not complain, though.
Today's Lesson: on Valentine's Day, it's all about the sex. Be honest and admit it. But on the other days of the year, it's all about the love (and sex is just a great benefit thereof).
posted by Phillip at 7:49 PM
